I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
