The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
