I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
