bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
