sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
