Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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