From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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