I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
