I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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