My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize