i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
