I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
