I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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