what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
