You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
