My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
