the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
