why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
