**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
