He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
