I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
