Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
