I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
