I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
