i think i have herpe
just one?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize