I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
