____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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