i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
