dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
