I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
