new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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