Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
