No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
