We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
