You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
