just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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