I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
