I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
