I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
