she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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