Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
