he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
