Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Randomize
