it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
