At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
