talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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