Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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