I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
