i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
i think im in europe. pls send help
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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