The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
