I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
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