ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
