some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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