I need help removing her.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
