just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
