A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
