i just google imaged poop.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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