Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
There's always time for handjobs
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
