Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize