i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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