who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
