allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
