she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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