So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
