yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
